PARENTING A CHILD WITH DISABILITY ... PART 1

"How your children turn out says more about your parenting skills than about their struggles, genes or disability" - Sharon Ifeoma

Many emotions flood the heart and mind of parent's when they receive a bad, life changing destiny altering report about their child. For my mum, she described what she felt as 'devastating, heartbreaking and like a sharp knife had just pierced her heart' ..... 'My dad went completely blank, numb and speechless' a position no one should ever be in. 

The feeling can range from denial to fear, grief, loss and anger on learning that your child may / or already have a disability. You tell yourself immediately that this cannot be happening to me.... no not my child .... why? why my family? The confusion journey has just started.

In my parent's case, they had a lot of questions like other parent's in similar position. What would happen to me when I turn five, ten, fifteen ...... It was more about an uncertain, unknown future for me. They worried about the care process, what will happen when they are gone? Then the questions moved to will I ever go to school? get married? be independent? be happy? Will my condition worsen and become unmanageable? 

They were also afraid of society's reaction to me..... will I be accepted, bullied or rejected? Will they be shamed or blamed for what has happened? will my siblings be affected by this? will they be able to love and accept me completely? 

Then there is guilt - feelings of guilt will at this stage manifest in different areas .... Spiritually, physically and religiously. Different interpretations, misinterpretations of punishment, predictions and blame. Oh the endless tears and cry's of  'why me? Why my family? why my child? Whom did I offend? What did I not do right? Am I being punished for my sins? .......

Every story and reactions to news that your child has a disability is unique and as dramatic as each reaction may be, the processes involved are quite confusing, heartbreaking and traumatic for all parents. Now your role, routine and daily schedules will change dramatically because you are saddled with the role of parenting a child with disability(ies). It is now time to become a champion in this cause not just to yourself but for your child. 

Some days will be good that you will be so proud of yourself and how far in the journey you have come. You are the mum/dad, advocate, researcher, fighter, brave, voice, organizer ..... You are proud in the way you are managing, you beam with smiles of confidence and competence but behind it all is a lingering ghost. Other days? arhhh not so great. You will only discover that you are tired, overwhelmed and the feeling of defeat will kick in. 

Looking back at the perfect life you had planned in the past and what your reality is now, you heavy a sign because this is not the life of your dream ..... it's all blurry.

To be continued

Sharonxxx